Oh God, I cry out from a bitter and rejected heart. My pain is of the depths of the deepest hell. I can’t look up, I cannot see out. The inner wall of my being grows higher and higher as the pain increases still.
My friends, they taunt me. Those I thought were here are gone. I search for their love and am met so with hostility and grief. They do not remember me, nor do they care. I plead silently for their recognition, I cry out for their help. But their ears are deaf and their eyes are blind. They have no idea what they hear or see.
I stand in front of them, arms open wide. I welcome their presence, I welcome their tears. I welcome their laughter, I welcome their voices. They turn away from my anger, they ignore my cry. They roll their eyes at my fear and turn their back to my anxiety. Who shall I turn to if these are who God has given me?
If God has given me these friends to turn to, and these friends for accountability…. Who then shall I ask for help? Who then shall pray for me? They who once knew me, now have no recognition of me.
I do not know where to go nor who to turn to. I cannot find my way around or my way back to you. The days are short and numbered and shorter and less numbered still.
I am rejected from those I would never reject. Those to whom my arms are open wide, their arms are pulled in tight. They will not be there for me, though I am there for them. My loyalties travel beyond the here and now even though theirs do not.
God, soothe my aching heart and heal my hurting soul. The friends you’ve given me do not reflect your love. You’re a god and king who loves and saves. You set this captive free. Free my aching heart and cleanse my bitter soul. Oh Lord, Oh King, O ruler of all. Cleanse my aching bones.